Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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