Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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