Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
