seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
