YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
