the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
