Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
