I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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