Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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