Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
