I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
