Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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