I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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