We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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