Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
