just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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