i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
