Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
