So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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