so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
