I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
