im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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