I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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