Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
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I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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