I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
