Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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