i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize