I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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