So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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