two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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