Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
