The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
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You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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