just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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