Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
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