what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
