Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
