They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
