How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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