I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
