She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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