I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
