Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
