I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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