Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize