woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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