remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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