Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We don't watch enough power rangers
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
