You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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