I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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