Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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