Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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