If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
