I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
