if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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