just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
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You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just want to make out with him forever
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He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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