before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
