just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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