To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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