hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
