Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She needs sedatives and a leash
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
