I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
