just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
