I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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